I found
this interesting stub of an idea on Racism 101, and I'd like to discuss it with all of you. They're posting it in the context of dealing with people who are racist towards you.
It's also related to how people deal with conflict. What's your attitude toward conflict? Do you relish it? Do you try to make everyone like you to avoid conflict at all costs?
And it's also related to our attitudes about how we should be connected to people. Like, is all connection good? For example, if you're a freelancer, should every client be held on to just because they're a client? Or in the area of personal frienships, should you stay connected to someone just because you've been friends a long time?
From Racism 101:
“We’re taught to turn the other cheek—that being kind in the face of hostility is the better way to respond to conflict so love can overcome hate. According to psychologist Clifford N. Lazarus, writing for Psychology Today, that sort of reaction just teaches abusive people that their behavior is effective. Here’s why.
It all comes down to something called the “Law of Effect”, which refers to the way people interpret and understand the behavior of others. For example, if someone treats you poorly and you treat them kindly, the effect produced by their bad behavior is your affection. By being nice to mean people, you’re essentially creating a reward system for bad behavior.
This doesn’t mean you should devolve into a complete asshole anytime you encounter one, but it is important to remember that there is such thing as being too nice. When someone does something that bothers you, it’s important to take that immediate opportunity to tell them. Being kind is often just an excuse to avoid necessary conflict. You don’t have to be a jerk, but you do have to confront the situation or risk encouraging the bad behavior you’re seeking to prevent.”
