Notes to the discussion In Defense of Introverts.
Concluding statements:
I think the whole society is quite extrovert-friendly. I think that's why introverted people will question themselves. Because introverted people are easily ignored in a group. They turns invisible to people. But I think people cannot be ignored for too long a time, and that's why introvert people question themselves. A lot.
When I found this video I was like, wow, finally someone understands me...
Yeah!
You were excited.
…because in the past, I always thought there must be something wrong, or, why, like I would try to force myself to be social, but it just wasn't me. So I think this lecture helped me understand that I am who I am, and also understand that there's lots of people like me. And I understood more of like, after a party, why I need so much time to recover, and discover that, hm, other people also do that and i didin't know that.
Hmmm. I think everyone have their own type.
World peace!
Yes, our society needs a lot of diversity. Everyone has their own style, just like the last question, about the political system, I think, it's interesting that, we always cannot imagine, which kind of people can win most people's trust. It's not, I don't think it's really true that the talkative person, or some certain type of person can win. Because it's a lot of factors, maybe people are very emotional, they will vote to the person they think he or she is charmiing, but what is charm really? I don't know what kind of person is attractive. So I just think, be yourself.
I think some people think I'm an extroverted person, but actually I think I talk to them, I just want to, not express myself, just want to communicate with people, and have some opinion from them. But actually, sometimes, yeah sometimes, I feel lost.
Like in a group?
No, when I'm alone.
Because trying to become popular.
But I'm not so exactly know why I feel lost, but recently I've been thinking about this.
So you dont feel lost when you're with a group of people, but you feel lost when you're alone.
Yes, well when I'm alone I'll think about the exact meaning of to be an extrovert. But I will feel confused, so maybe I'm an introvert person. Okay, thank you! Good night!
The Discussion:
How much time do you usually spend alone?
Including sleeping?
Awake and alone!
Maybe 3-4 hours.
A week?
A day! Because I'm an only child.
Not much time alone. Less than one hour, you know, because there's always someone else in the house.
But do you have your own bedroom?
Bo.
Yeah, maybe 3-4 hours, too.
but you have a sister, right?
Yeah, but we don't live together, beccause she lives in a dormitory.
For me it depends, like 1-4 hours a day, because I don't have a nine-to-five job, it depends how many cases I have. So I'm actually home a lot, and I like that.
For me, I spend a lot of time alone. Nowadays I'm not working, so I like to spend my time at home alone. And I would rather do my work at home, instead of going to a cafe or whatever.
Does working alone while in the company of others count as 'being alone'?
No. x3
I think yes, but maybe I do different kinds of work.
Yeah.
Wouldn't you be disturbed? We are often disturbed by people in the office.
I think it's because I'm doing different work than the other people, not my part of collective work. I'm always working on my own work in like cafes or something.
It depends. Like if you're in a cafe and you're open to someone coming and approaching you, versus, you just want to be alone.
How much time do you need to spend alone? Do you feel you get enough?
I need a lot of time alone.
I think the people you get together with, is the point. Because if you don't feel good with somebody, you'll feel that the time is long...
The time drags.
...yes, but if you're singing with your friends in KTV, time flies! So the people we're getting together with is important for the, not the behavioiur, but the feeling.
But I think to spend time alone is to be with mself, not with my friends. Because if I'm with any friends, maybe just one or two friends, I'll be aware that there are some people who maybe I need to take care of, or maybe I'll need to talk to them, so that is not 'alone'.
Yeah, you're worried that she'll feel bored.
Yep. It's like I need time to sink into my thoughts, it's like sometimes when, after a social situation, I need a lot of time alone.
So, do you feel you get enough?
Yes, I get enough. 2-4 hours per day, for me.
Yes
You get enough? Didn't you say 'less than one hour a day'?
You know, I should feel I don't get enough, but, you know, I don't feel the lack, so that's weird, that's strange. But now I feel I can be with myself, even though I'm with other people.
Wow, you're so zen!!
Last week, we're talking about how you're so zen because you can be every where and every moment become zen!
How do you 'be with yourself' when you're with other people?
Well, I just tune people out. What they're talking about is just nonsense, so I just tune them out, it's so unimportant.
Like on the mrt?
Well, even in the office, it's none of my business, why do I have to pay attention to them?
So you never are influenced by them?
Never?
Not never, but I just walk away and sit at my own desk.
How important is privacy to you?
So, I guess we have to define privacy first, what does it mean?
Having a secret.
Personal information.
Things that you don't want to share with people, things that you only want to keep to a certain circle of people.
I agree.
Privacy is you have control over your self and your thoughts and your things, your personal business. You have control over it.
So not only personal information, also including your thoughts.
Yeah, for me?
In old novels they talk about having 'private thoughts', and I always thought, yeah, that's true.
So, How important is privacy to you?
Very important!
In a one to ten scale?
Okay, let's do that.
Ten.
Ten!
Wow.
Well, i need my own space, that's why I choose to live alone, because when I grew living with my family in Changhua, we have nine family members, and my room is directly connected to my parents. So the door is open except for sleeping time, so they can come into our room, and they can come into our room when ever.
All of your brothers and sisters slept in the same room?
Me and my sister.
When you have to get work done, what kind of environment do you prefer? Different people of course do different work.
I like to stay home.
You know, I never thought about this.
What kind of environment…? I think I prefer a quiet environment.
No, not really! She always complains about being lonely and cold! She's in the ninth floor of the building, and we're in the eleventh floor, and there'a a lot of people, a lot of collegues on the eleventh floor. But maggie, she has her oooown desk.
Well, okay, but my neighbors are disappeared, or left, or in another place.
So you're complaining aobut…?
Lonely, alone, and cold!!
No, I just alk about my feeling, but actually, if I want to get things done, I prefer a quiet environment o complete the work!!
so if there are people near you,…?
It's okay, but i just need it to be quiet, to prepare something, like if I'm studying literature or something, I prefer to go to the library, so that the quiet lets me focus on what I want to understand.
I think, if I can choose, I would rather have a quieter place, but in an elementary school, it's almost impossible to ask for a quiet place. And I also don't also don't want do be in a messy place.
Well, that's impossible, in the office you're in, there's crap everyhwere.
So the mess is because other people pile things up.
Especially your bosls, all the science stuff.
Like experiments, and insects. And also his daughter, her area is just, kaboom.
How old is his daughter?
In first grade.
Well, maybe after two or three years the situation will get better.
No, i don't think so.
My younger sister is amazing…
I hope in a good way!
I don't think so.
…No. She has piles of paper everywhere, well, you cannot even see the keyboard, but stuff everywhere on the computer, everything stays on the desk,
But she can find her way to do everything, right?
But my boss, what's good about him, is that even though he's so messy, he can always find important documents.
My mom's just like that
I'm a 'stacker', not a 'filer'.
Hoarders
When you have to be creative, what kind of environment do you prefer?
You mean that you create something?
I mean, you have to make something out of nothing, or put something together.
That's creative?
Well, that's my definition.
Well, but you need to talk to other people and get some idea from them, so for me, maybe it's not necessay to be in a quiet environment.
I just realized, it depends on the stage of the creative process. Because that's a very good point. Actually, when I was an architecture student, I felt that our studios were just the perfect thing. It was quiet, like a library, but full of people working, so you weren't lonely, and if you needed some input, you could go talk to someone, and if you wanted to be alone at your desk, people left you alone to work. So you had everything you needed for the creative process. Solitude, company and input.
Sometimes, I just finish the main thing, and then I go and do something else, and then an idea just pops into my head.
To mull an idea. You like let it ferment and devlop.
But it's not only just making a decision, but it takes time to simmer down and really, everything connects together.
Yeah, I agree with you. For writing, that's how it works for me. For doing architecture it's different.
It depends on the situations, sometimes talking to people, you get some creative opinion.
For me, I need to concentrate, to be in a quiet environment, or to be alone, it's fine, just that I need to concentrate on the things I need to finish.
For me, a quiet place, it's all I need.
A room with a door closed? Music on or off? A library? A cafe?
I sometimes put on music
When do you like to work autonomously?
self-oriented, self-directed.
You're in control.
When I feel I'm mature, and I know what to do, and how to do it.
when I don't know what to do, I really wish someone could tell me.
Yeah, I'm not used to my job, so I can't work autonomously.
Yeah, but if you know what you're doing, you're like, go away! I can do this.
When do you like to work with other people?
When it's a big project.
Or need brainstorming?
Yeah, when it's a big proejct, and I like to do this kind of stuff, and someone else likes to do another kind of stuff.
Sometimes, working with other colleagues in the office, lets you get the updated information. So that is a very big benefit for me.
Also you can pool resources. I can use their laminating machine! And their color printer! And their graphic designer helped me.
So you don't need to own everything.
Exactly.
When do you feel most productive?
Morning. x3
Before lunch.
For me, when everyone goes to bed.
I'm morning, because I seldom stay up late even in college.
I'm least productive in the after nooon, so I have to do active things then.
I like to just get things done in the morning, and then in the night, I just want to do nothing, just watch tv or, just don't think about anything.
How interesting is it that nearly everyone here is a morning person!
Do you think that your life would be improved with more solitude?
What's solitude?
Being alone and quiet.
Choosing to be alone, like spending time on your own.
Like being in the middle of a forest. Or being alone on the top of the elevator housing on a rooftop in the city.
Yes. I think people need more forest. I mean spending time in forests.
I think so too, I think I would like more forest in my life.
I think, well, is it necessary to be in a forest?
hahaha, no.
I think, I would like to be in my room alone, but not in the forest.
Why, too many cockroaches in the forest?
Well, too many mosquitos, and insects.
I don't think she's a forest person.
I have no idea, I think it's pretty good for me. I'm saying, my situation, I think I have sufficient time to be alone. So maybe I'm not going to request more time, or to be more…
Or to go to the forest?
Would you like more insects in your life?
I like insects.
I do, but at a distance!
medic
defenestrate = to murder by throwing out the window
Rate yourself on a scale of one to ten. One is totally introverted and ten is totally extroverted.
1 introvert 2 3 Je St4 An 5 6Ma Am 7 8 9 extrovert 10
"In a group of people we instinctively mirror and mimic their opinions. Even something as instinctive as who you're attracted to is affected by this."
Is this true in your experience? Do you have a story to support or refute this idea?
You mean we do this just to get along with them?
To become one of them, to be accepted.
It's not so easy to be unique.
Yes, I agree.
Sometimes you feel some pressure by other people. if most people are very outgoing, then you need to become more outgoing and then you can be one of them.
Or there's social pressure to like drink or something. Even if you're not a drinker. In america, at least
It happens in Taiwan, sometimes, too. It seems to be impolite.
You know, when I'm leading these discussions, I'm aware of the social pressure to agree, and I observe that it takes a lot of courage to have a different opnion in a group, when someone has stated an opnion, especially if some people have said they agree with the original speaker.
You know, in a group, there will be some people who have a different opinion.
Yes, but in this situation, the person must win their credit first, for people to listen to them.
Yeah, they have to be sort of credible to the rest of the group.
In facilitation seminars they talk about 'making it safe' for people to speak. I think this is related to 'credible'.
"Working alone is where deep thought comes from."
Do you feel this to be true for you?
So, the source of deep thought is working alone.
I think not always, because when talking with people, you can have a different idea, and something you never would think of.
Yeah.
I agree that maybe the, I think some ideas come up when we are maybe communicating or talking with people, something like, throw some kind of ball, and ...
And I will catch it.
…and then I will have some--
unique opinion from that.
But for the deep thought, that is more like, a situation where it's from my heart, and you need to be alone, and quiet, so I think I feel differently than her.
My sister talks about people who speak to think, and people who think to speak, but I think it's not different people, I think depending on the type of thinking you have to do, you can be either kind of person. Sometimes you have to talk with someone to think things through, and sometimes you have to go off by yourself and sit quietly to get to the bottom of something. Sometimes you have to do both in turns.
Kind of like this discussion.
Do you think the internet is an introverted or extroverted medium? Does it encourage solitude or group-ness?
Are the head-down brigade introverts or extroverts?
Does the internet solve problems of social interaction for introverts? For extroverts?
I think it depends on the person using it and how you use it.
Do you know how many times we answer questions with, "it depends"? Ha.
"People routinely follow the ideas of the most charismatic person in the room, even though there's zero correlation between being the best talker and having the best ideas."
Do you think our political system is set up well to get the best ideas from people and get them worked out and implemented well?
You mean that everybody will follow the best talker instead of the best idea? Hmm, good question.
'Our' political system? Is 'our' Taiwan?
I think we follow the person who dares to talk.
Is it like, well, they've got an idea, that's good enough, let's do that?
But 'cha bu duo' is more like, "there's no difference."
Well, there's denotation, what it means in the dictionary and connotation, how people use it. I think that 'cha bu duo' is often used to mean, 'that's good enough'.
Here's a video of a school designed for multiple styles of interaction in one learning environment: The School of One
http://vimeo.com/17532259
"If I'm afraid to ask a question out loud I can just type it in."
